What Do Sex Dreams Mean?

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A dream about sex has occurred to nearly every one of us if we would care to admit it. An embarrassing, even scary thing for some; sex dreams are barely discussed beyond our close circles. About 8% of men and women’s dreams contain sexual activity but before you start thinking about libido and all that remember that a sex dream is not really about a secret desire. However weird your sex dream, it doesn’t mean you are an oddity; just that your brain is holding on to something. More often than not sex dreams are more about you than the person you dreamed about.

Dreaming is a reflection of our waking states. For the brain, it is a way of experimenting with our ideas without actually following through. In an interesting twist, we are more likely to have great sex dreams when we feel good about ourselves and vice versa. If you find yourself having a sexy dream starring you and your favorite actor chance are you are feeling like a star yourself.

In most cases, sex dreams point to the masks we put upon our lives. Like real sex, it suggests that we should peel off the layers and leave it all bare to experience the fullness of life. Exposing our hidden talents and skills is sometimes interpreted as sex by our subconscious.

Religion and Sex Dreams

Christians and traditional healers often associate sex dreams with possession, impure thoughts, witchcraft, addiction and low self-esteem among other negative attributes. In this school of thought, dreams are a manifestation of what you feed your mind and spirit.

To avoid such dreams, religious leaders advise people to avoid explicit movies, romance books and fantasizing about sex. If you wonder if dreaming of sex is a sin, your pastor might say it is.

Sex Dream Meaning

It would be exciting to have your fantasies come true (even if just in your dreams) but you need to understand that sex dreams are symbolic and therefore, may have meanings.

  • Lack of sexual satisfaction may cause racy dreams
  • Sex with your partner may suggest a perfect union
  • A sex dream with anyone else means they have traits, talents or skill that you admire

What Does it Mean When You Dream About Sex?

The most important part of analyzing a sex dream is thinking what the person in that dream represents to you. You must also define if the experience was pleasurable or otherwise. If for example, it was steamy, exciting sex with someone you see as kind, charming and exciting it probably means you are ready to embrace these qualities in your life.

If you had a bad sex dream with a person whose behavior you consider as bad, it is your subconscious highlighting your disapproval or dislikes for such qualities. In essence, sex dream is key to defining whether what we are integrating into our lives are right or wrong.

To dream about sex probably means that you are in conflict. For many people, it is not the act that is such a bother, but the little details. To properly decode a sex dream, these are important:

1. What was the scene of the action?

Was it in bed, at the office, in public or beach? Having sex dreams at a particular location means you have an attachment to it. Having a sex dream in public doesn’t mean you desire to be an exhibitionist. Rather it could mean that your private life will go public. People value their privacy and the thought of their issues becoming public knowledge can lead to such dreams. You could also be feeling that people are too involved in your private life.

2. Who was it with?

There are many people in our lives that could appear in our dreams. From your boss to your bestie, it is possible to have a sex dream with virtual strangers (in your dreams). The context of your sex dream gives insight into your desires and secret emotions. If it is sex with a “forbidden” person it is mostly a reflection of admiration for their positive traits.

  • Your Boss – If for example, it’s your boss, there is no need to skip the next board meeting. It is possible that you are sexually attracted to your boss but if you are getting racy it’s probably only because you are now more aware of your ability to be a leader. Such a dream is a reflection of your desire for power and the need to be on top of things. You may have a need to be taken more seriously.
  • A Friend – Many people report feeling awkward when they had a sexual dream with a platonic friend. For many, things become so tense afterward that friendship is never the same. Don’t beat yourself up if you have a naughty dream, with your bestie because it’s only a sign that they have a talent that you desire. You probably see goodness in them that you wish to emulate but have not the confidence to speak of it.
  • A celebrity – People dream of sex with celebrities ALL the time. In fact, these are some of the most commonly reported. While a dream with your favorite singer, dancer, the writer may seem like a fulfillment of your fantasies, it is most likely that you have recognized a talent that you share.
  • Your Ex– Of all sex dreams, one with your ex might be causing you sleepless nights and much guilt. Rightfully so because dreams about your ex suggest that you are subconsciously repeating mistakes from that relationship. Such a dream could also mean that your brain hasn’t switched gears from your ex to your current lover.
  • A family member – Few people will admit it but sex dreams featuring family members are fairly common. A brother or sister, uncle or aunt, father or mother, or even a cousin might have an admirable trait that you admire but are afraid to let them know.

Kissing Couple

3. How was it?

Like with real life, sex dreams can be anything from mind-blowing to violent. If for example, you have some bone-shaking sex it probably means you need to spice things up in the waking world. Mostly a dream where you had a mind-blowing orgasm means two things; a craving for fun sex or an exciting end to something

It is more serious when you have violent/abusive sex in a dream because it could be that you have suffered the same in your waking life. Many times the brain takes care of itself by suppressing negative events. If you have a recurring dream about being sexually violated you need to seek support.

Thoughts, memories, and feelings that stand out the most about who and where you had sex represent your real life emotions.

If you have a sex dream and all that remains with you is the experience after, you are probably looking for a fuller relationship. Maybe you want to be treated with more kindness, intimacy, and clarity. Maybe you want your partner to become more assertive and adventurous. If so you need to let them know.

Interpreting Sex Dreams

Someone may dream of chasing another to have sex with them. This might happen with elderly people because is a reflection of feelings that other people don’t want to spend good times with them.

  • If you dream about masturbating it is probably because you enjoy showing off your skills. You like to be the center of attention. Beware of this sex dream because it could mean that you are going too far in showing off and even thinking of yourself as better than others.
  • People who dream only of foreplay without ever getting to the real action may be feeling shy about trying something pleasurable in their waking life.
  • Dreaming of sex with a faceless partner means you are eager to explore more of what excites you. It suggests indecisiveness and freedom in trying new things.
  • If you dream that you can’t find a safe place for sex means you are facing challenges in doing what you like. Complications, obstacles, and conflict may be keeping you from your goals.
  • Sex interrupted is a suggestion that there are external forces intruding on your privacy. There is an element keeping you from your goals and spoiling your moment in the sun.
  • Having sex with a vanishing partner points to fear of commitment. It could also be that you are in an inadequate relationship. Such dreams mean you have less confidence in a person and situation.
  • Sex with a total stranger is an indication of your libido. It is an attempt by your brain to remind you of the physical needs you have that are not being met. It is worth noting that men are more likely to have sex dreams involving strangers than women.

Sleeping Woman


Sex dreams are vast and complicated. There is no telling what a particular dream means for an individual but the clues cannot be ignored. If you have recurring dreams around the same person or context there can certainly be a meaning to it. If you are having a recurring negative dream you may need to seek support in order to get closure.

Talking about such a dream or even writing about it can give you reprieve from the burdening experience. Sex dreams give you clues about what you need, what to let go of, what to resolve and what to embrace. You don’t need to over analyze a sex dream but pay attention, trust your gut and take action.

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